I have gotten out of blogging since being back in China this past January. There has been so much to write about, I was overwhelmed and just didn't write. A few nights ago, Stan and I were at dinner with some friends, Kris and Michael Bowen. We were talking about blogging... or the lack thereof. All of us like to blog, but none of us have done it in a while. I've got something to write about today. Warning: It's long. :)
I don't claim to be wise, or know more than others. In fact, quite the opposite: I like to learn from others mistakes, and teachings. But I do like to talk to others about things I have learned in my life, sort of as an agent for my own processing of it. This is a lesson I learned a while ago, but I've been thinking a lot about it lately.
When I was in High School, I was in color guard in marching band. I started when I was a freshman. Making State Finals was something that we all worked up to, but being a freshman, I really didn't understand the importance of it. Well, my freshman year we were really good. I didn't know how good we were until I had a few more years under my belt. That year, after we had performed in the semi-finals we went back to our high school gym and ate pizza and anxiously waited for our band directors to get back with the results. There was tention in the air, but again, I couldn't fully appreciate it, having never done this exact thing before. As our band directors, Mr. Morrison and Mr. Cecil, came in, every one held their breath, staring at their faces... trying to read them, to know the answer before they said it. Mr. Morrison said, "In this envelope, I have all the mistakes we made." We were all humbled by this comment, waiting for the pregnant pause to end. "And in this envelope..." Then he screamed, "IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO TONIGHT!!!" The entire gym erupted with screaming and cheering and crying! Cokes were being spilled and even flying through the air! Pizza was being stepped on! I remember, I didn't have my shoes on and I stepped in some pizza. It was gross, but I didn't care! We had made State finals and we were all so happy!
Now, I mentioned people were crying because they were so happy. If you know me, I'm not much of a cryer. I'm not against it; it's just not always my first reaction to joy. So, I understood the crying. We had worked so very hard and loved the show so much that it felt so right, and true, and we deserved it! But I truly didn't understand or appreciate the crying that night until the next year, and the next year, and the next year. That's right, we made finals my freshman year, but we did not make finals every year after, during my high school education.
My sophomore year, I appreciated the crying coming from the upperclassmen. Because they had lost, before they had won. The victory was sweeter. But that year, I didn't cry, because I was feeling optimistic, seeing as how I had 2 more years! We can do this!! My junior year, I had a deeper appreciation for the tears, but that's not how I reacted. I was angry, feeling almost cheated. The judges have something against us! They didn't judge us fairly! My senior year, I remember seeing Mr. Morrison coming in the room we were being held in. Shaking his head and looking down, which wiped all the smiles off of our faces. It was horrible. I remember thinking this was one of the most disappointing times in my life. Three years of nothing!?? Really?? And I burst into tears, saying, "This isn't fair!" Feeling that someone owed me something! I had worked too hard, too long for this! And this is what I get!?? IT'S NOT FAIR!! I can remember my parents standing behind me and consoling me, knowing this was not easy to hear.
I learned many lessons through that. I learned about team work. If you think about what you just read, I said that I had worked so hard. My work mattered! It SHOULD have mattered to someone! But I didn't understand that it wasn't about me. It was about the group. It doesn't matter how hard I work if the team doesn't win. I had learned about team work all through school and life, but THIS was application. That was selfish of me as a senior in high school to think those things; that my work mattered more than the group, but I'm a better person for learning that lesson.
Another lesson I learned was about work ethic. When you work hard and do a good job; whether it's for someone else or just something you do daily, do your very best. It shouldn't matter if no one is looking, because you know you've done a good job. And when you see others doing a good job, you appreciate it. Fully appreciate it, just like those upperclassmen appreciated the State Finals my freshman year much more than I did. When you've endured something, you appreciate others who have the power to endure, no matter what it is. My dad had taught me about endurance and appreciation for a task when I was growing up, by doing yard work, school work, or any other work. But again, this was a real life application for that.
I also learned to appreciate the good things that happen. I was dwelling on the three years of nothing and not thinking that I had a wonderful opportunity to experience State Finals at least once! This makes me think about my life today. There are things in everyone's life that are unfair, that make them mad, or feel unimportant, or unappreciated. But how often do we see the other side of it? How often do we think about the families we have? The friends we are so fortunate to have. All the material things we have. Good health! I should thank God for what he has given me, and stop thinking about the bad things that happen to be ailing me now. Or how unfair I feel something is. Or how much I think I deserve something. I deserve nothing, but am thankful for everything.
